Inspiring Thoughts August 2008

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Love and Gratitude August 21, 2008

This is a dedication to all the parents that have left lifetime memories as

gifts and to their children who tirelessly granted loving care

to their aging parents.

On August 11, 2008 the life spirit peacefully ascended from the physical

body of an 84 year old man. This man’s conscious mind had been gradually

making the journey many years and in the last year his physical body

began to join the ascending process. He had lived a very active, productive

life focused on turning his dreams into reality. He married the woman

that he loved from the first moment he saw her. He knew at the age of 12

that she was the woman he would marry one day. That dream came

true and they had three loving daughters. They built their dreams together

brick by brick and plenty of long hard working days. They retired from

their restaurant business and moved to Florida to enjoy what all the hard

work had brought them. They shared 20 years of the good life in the warm,

sunny days with family near by. He would remind everyone not to ask

him to do anything, because he could not remember, he had Alzheimers.

It was humorously believed that it was just selective memory wrapped

around what he wanted to avoid doing.

As the years continued, he quietly slipped deeper into his own reality

leaving behind everyone else’s. He seemed happy in his own world,

not bothering anyone and greeting each day with more and more routine.

Routine helped the memory and reduced the frustration that he

acknowledged when he would say, “I don’t know, I don’t remember,

ask mother”. His wife would try to coax him into trying to

remember, but to no avail.

Conversations with family focused mostly on the memories of his

youth and cherished stories that would be stored for future generations

to remember and pass on. Funny how the family “secrets” were told

with smiles, as the grown children would reply, “I never knew that”.

Difficult adjustments became more and more necessary for everyone in

the family as Dad’s physical body began to take a toll along with his memory.

Fun, relaxed gatherings became more difficult and less enjoyable for all.

Then came the dreaded decision that it was necessary to put Dad in a

specialized living arrangement for those with Alzheimers. Who was that

more difficult for? Dad or his family? How sad to watch him be separated

from his beloved wife and love of 70 years. He appeared to be a child

once again, afraid and confused as to what he was supposed to do and the

constant questions of why. Of course, everyone finds something to lighten

their burdened hearts. In the midst of the grief, you would have to laugh

when you would go to visit and find him dressed in someone else’s clothes

and they were in his. He rolled his suitcase around everywhere with odds

and ends in it, like silverware, several pairs of eyeglasses, none of

which were his. Every day, he was prepared to leave in a moment’s

notice because his suitcase was always ready.

His daughters struggled to fight back tears whenever they would

visit, missing the man they had once known him to be. He was their father,

the man who fixed everything, the man that was always right and wise

even when you did not want to admit it. As life goes, the roles reversed

and he became the child. His care, especially difficult for the one sister

that lived closest and carried the heaviest load, was a new learning experience every day.

The most difficult part was how heavy your heart became with wanting the

best care for him and having to fight for it daily. How difficult it is to take

care of the man you looked up to for strength, courage and guidance.

As he continued to decline in all ways, reality smacked of the facts. You

could only do the best you could. You have a full time job, family, and

your own life to attend to and now this was becoming a full time job as

well. Exhaustion, depression and fear start to become the normal emotions

of the day. You pray that you stay healthy through it all, because what

would happen to mom and dad otherwise. In the midst of it all, Mom

needs her own full time care and attention. This is a very difficult time

in life for children of elderly parents. Not to mention how difficult it

is on the parents who swore they would never be a burden to their children.

In the end, the one daughter was there to hold his hand as he

peacefully passed into the loving arms of his Creator. The telephone

was the only way to communicate the loss to the other two

sisters, hundreds of miles away.

This was my Daddy. That was my oldest sister and her husband

taking such good care of him throughout it all and we

will be forever grateful to them.

We are thankful for the many years that we had him in our lives, for

all that he taught us about life. We are grateful for the times of laughter,

love and also the difficult times. We learned the most about ourselves

through the difficult times. We will carry him in our hearts, our

minds and connected to our spirit with loving awareness that our

special bond continues to nurture us into the people we are today.

My sisters and I are forever connected by these memories, as he

will continue to live within us.

Life certainly is happening with intensity and at record speed. I

know that it has been particularly challenging for my family and me

this past year. I also know that I am not alone with feeling the extreme

shifts that are happening in each of us universally.

At a time of great need for strength, I was blessed with this story that

was given to me by a dear friend and relative. I would like to share

it with you and I pray that it will bring you deeper understanding

and all the strength you may need in any given moment.

The Butterfly

On a warm, sunny day in summer, a kind, young boy sat watching a

butterfly attempt to push its way out of its cocoon. He found it painful

to watch the butterfly struggle, so with kindness and good intent, he

took his pocketknife and cut a tiny slit in the cocoon to help the

butterfly free itself from its struggle. It made it so much easier for the

young butterfly and soon it pushed its way free. Upon breaking completely

through, the butterfly dropped to the ground unable to fly. As the boy

watched, he realized that his heart ached even more for the butterfly now that

it was free and could not fly.

A butterfly strengthens its wings by its struggle to break through the

cocoon. It is this struggle that builds courage, confidence, strength and pride.

As much as we want to assist those struggling, we need to stay aware

that it should always remain in the balance of helping others to

help themselves. We all have our individual spirit to nurture. We choose

the life experiences that we need to assist in our journey of personal growth.

The most difficult times reap the deepest knowledge of self-love and grace. Our

lives intertwine with each other for a purpose of higher understanding. These

experiences give us the insight to what life truly is all about and who

we truly are within it. The more we embrace these difficult times the more

we walk through life with a fuller understanding of the human spirit.

May you walk through life with your hand in your Creator’s with a smile in

your heart, courage in your eyes and strength in your stride.

Many blessings, love and light to all and many thanks for the selfless,

generous outpouring of love and encouragement you have all brought

to me. It is my promise to return this love with undying support as we

all continue to ride the waves of life together.

Many blessings, love and light,
Joyce A. Salvo

In Loving Memory

of

Christy F. Castiglia

1924 ~ 2008

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